I was not paid for an article I wrote for an editor who has become a recluse.

Q I was not paid for an article I wrote for an editor who has become a recluse, what to do? V. Browne, Dublin

A. It’s all very fine for the editor to say he has no time for invoices and that he is seeking his inner self.

The fact remains that, inner or outer, his self is a louse.

He may have taken up writing poetry as an antidote to editing but that only proves he is not the full shilling.

However, I think your proposal to acquire an imitation firearm might backfire.

What if he just mistakes the gun in your pocket for a growing agreement with his position?

After all, he did publish the article, good or bad. There is already a de facto relationship between you.

And when it comes down to it, how many meals a day can a writer eat? What need is there for money when you are creating art?

This is not a position you are likely to appreciate at the moment, cross as you are; but the editor may have arrived at this moment of clarity in his busy mind and think he is doing you a service by not paying you.

It is a matter of opinion.

Personally, I would spray-paint his gable wall with the amount owing, and follow him to the shops.

Eddie.

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Do I have to write something before I approach an agent ?

Q Do I have to write something before I approach an agent? I. Rankin, Fife

A. Most agents like to eat. This is mostly to stay alive, so that they can work and represent their clients.

And while it is not suggested that your first writing would be a new, exciting, ground-breaking menu with mini-series potential, it would be advisable to consider writing something before approaching an agent for representation.

This could be used as common ground in a social setting when you take yourselves out to eat.

Indeed, it is as well to bear in mind that should the agent agree to take you on, it will be your money he is eating; though he will assure you it is the fruit of your joint efforts that he is consuming.

But, try as you both might it will be extremely difficult to eat thin air, which is what there will be to mull over should you write nothing at all.

It is said that civilisation is only ever nine meals away from anarchy, so perhaps you might concentrate on writing really well; if only to prevent your poor agent from turning into a raging beast for want of sustenance.

Eddie

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I would rather read than write.

Q I love to write but hate to read my own work, because I feel I have read it before. What should I do? J. Joyce Dublin

A. Most writers can read, whereas many readers cannot write anything beyond a shopping list.

Complications abound when a writer can write but is unable to read, in which case a third party may be enlisted to read the written words to the author.

This state of affairs can cause an editor to ask an author to explain what is meant by a particular piece of writing.

It is at this point that high art may be invoked and, depending on the editor’s grasp of reality, may lead on to a book being chosen for promotion as a modern classic.

Other writers feel that re-reading their own work will in some way lessen the import of the words.

Where a writer does not like to read their own words, perhaps with some reason, few others may be inexorably moved to acquire that work for their home library.

You could always change your real name and then read your books as if you were somebody else, if that would help.

Eddie.

I suffer from inertia

Q I suffer from inertia and wonder if you have any cure. Is this the same as writer’s block. Is it hereditary and could I pass on a cure to my descendents. A. Miller, Torquay.

A. There is nothing wrong with inertia in a writer’s life; in fact when a writer is inert she may be at her most active.

Civilians often mistake inactivity in a writer for inactivity. Some non-writers even ascribe their failure to produce anything at all as an artistic writers block.

However, inertia and writers block are two different conditions; the former being a pleasant occupation on a warm summer’s afternoon, the latter being a matter of concern to a writer’s financial advisers.

Writers block can be cured, of course, by giving up writing and therefore the cause for concern. A writer who does not write is not actually a writer, in fact.

In this way, assuming some gainful employment is acquired, the cause for misery and concern amongst semi-destitute dependants will be dissipated.

And so, if they are not miserable in their childhood, they will have less source material in their adulthood to write about.

They will be cured before they are afflicted, a legacy of which any writer could be proud.

Eddie

I want to publish my memoir

Q I want to publish my memoir. I may self-publish. What do you recommend? T. Mulcahy, Galway.

A Sadly, most people have a story that nobody wants to hear. This is not as unreasonable as it may seem. Some people are boring, in person and in speech, no less than in print.

You have to ask if your story will be more than a collection of letters lined up to be divided into words, sentences, paragraphs and chapters, or will it make sense to a sane third party.

If that third party is a publisher who says no thank you, and changes their telephone number, then re-consider your plan to be a go-it-alone entrepreneuring publisher.

There are many printers who will happily quote you for printing and binding the specified words in return for advance payment.

Once bound and delivered to you, your task will be to shift copies out of their temporary resting place in your wardrobe and into readers’ hands and minds.

You do this be selling or giving as many of them away as possible.

You should then post to yourself, as publisher, your proposal for a follow-up title. If you find yourself contemplating a change of phone number to avoid the author, you should perhaps get out more.

Eddie

How to write a great press release and use it many times in many ways

Writing a bad press release is not an easy thing to do.
It takes just as much effort to write a really bad release as it does to write a really good release that people will read with interest and act upon.
It's mainly a matter of knowing how to compose a basic release while ensuring the content is tight enough and inventive enough to double up as something else, a blog entry certainly, an article on your own website perhaps, and maybe even a tweet on Twitter.
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Ten Commandments for the Lazy Reader

You too can be a better speaker; you can take any audience anywhere you want with a fine script delivered well.
You can make willing listeners do, feel or believe most things that make sense, are moral and legal, most of the time.
You just need not to be lazy. follow the ten commandments.
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Man tells story to get work
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